Oh For the Love of A Grammar, Use A Full Stop!

The sign says: Whose are these?

My libido was boiling with excitement. A bastard friend (dude, I'm going to destroy your tribe for doing this to me hehehe) asked me to initiate a hook-up with this blogger. Apparently, he is the superstar of a blog community because of his brilliant writing. It seems people there (in that community) are pushing this blogger to publish his journal entries. My friend said, "Rain, you would love this guy. He is so cute, good-looking, and a brilliant writer etc etc etc." So, just imagine my alcohol-induced horny self thinking of a new possibility! I opened his blog entry called random thoughts. I could not get past the second sentence. I passed out.

Here is a sample from Enzo_Patrick

Its been two weeks since I was able to update my so called official blog over the information superhighway. Just these weekend, I found myself strolling in the mall, alone, yes you heard me write, ALONE!

___________

1. I can overlook the lack of punctuations, even if the errors irritate my bowels. What makes someone so lazy that he can't spend a fraction of a second to put an apostrophe in It's and a hyphen in so-called. And yet, he placed a comma where it does not belong - between mall and alone. For me, a comma out of place feels like a wedgie in the butt.

2. I am willing to overlook errors in the use of pronouns. I realize that if I will make pronoun usage as basis for dating a guy, I will grow old a virgin. Just for the record, it should be THIS WEEKEND.

3. But careless word usage? That can't be forgiven. "You heard me write?" As opposed to what? You heard me rong? First of all, you avoid using the word heard when referring to a written word. People can't hear you; they read you. Second, oh for the love of a keyboard, get it RIGHT!

Also, the last person I know who used the term information highway was Princess Diana.

Emotionally Sloppy; Maybe

I love emoblogs, particularly emotionally sloppy. With raw emotions and rantings, they write as if they paint their minds on paper - a series of words with minimal punctuation. In literature, we often refer to this style as streams of thoughts, separated by commas and ellipsis with no purpose at all except to fulfill the urge to place punctuations.

Here is an entry:


"I accompanied my friend to the hospital days ago to have her baby checked..as we were waiting, for like ages for her number to be called I entertained myself at looking around the hospital.

Just beside the pedia clinic was an infertility clinic. And there in that place, couples who has problems having a baby merge with the couples that were happily cradling their baby. How ironic. I mean why place these two clinics beside each other? To let the infertile couple realize what they're missing and feel more miserable than it already is? To have the fertile couple flaunt their baby to the infertile couple? Oh well, maybe they have a medical reason behind that."

Grammar aside, her observation is valid, and true to her being an emo, sensitive to her environment. Let me just improve the construction and the punctuations, so that the non-emo readers can make sense of her post. I hope I won't undermine her emotions.

Days ago (it is more efficient to introduce a temporal phrase at the start of the sentence), I accompanied my friend to the hospital for her baby's check-up. While waiting for, like, ages for her number to be called, I entertained myself by looking around.

Right beside the pedia clinic is a fertility clinic. Thus, in the same place, couples who had problems with having a baby merge with couples who were happily cradling their babies. (not unless all those couples cradled only ONE baby).

How ironic! I mean, why place these two clinics beside each other? To let the infertile couples realize what they're missing and feel more miserable than they already do?( It is better to be consistent with the subject of the conversation, in this sentence,the childless couples) To have the fertile couple flaunt their baby to the infertile couple?

Oh well, maybe the hospital has a medical reason behind this."


Maybe.

Walang Kawala premiered: strong film; weak sentence

from manilagayguy

"Walang Kawala is going to be premiered at the UP Film Institute on November 6. Tickets at 100 pesos available at the cinema booth on the day just before the showing time (7pm)."

1. The use of "is going to be premiered" is a confusing construction that can be avoided by the use of a future tense. "Walang Kawala will premiere at the UP Film Institute." Easier, right?

2. The second sentence can bemuse and bewilder even the most intelligent mind. Are tickets available on the day itself? Are tickets available the day just before showing time? If it's the former, then it will be wiser to a) simplify the sentence or b) you some punctuation:

a. Tickets at 100 pesos are available at the cinema booth just before showtime.

b. Tickets at 100 pesos are available at the cinema booth on the day itself, just before showtime.



"

Of irresponsible sex and grammar

I love this exchange between a blogger and his reader about House Bill 5043.

Bryan Miseducated's logic is flawless, but his sentence construction needs a bit of a makeover - maybe a few misplaced pronouns and missing punctuations.

Here's part of the post (the numbers and the red highlights are mine):

"While it’s unlikely that a horny daughter would bother mom about (1) her daytime itch let’s just say for the sake of argumentation that (2)my bitch of a daughter (3) comes to me and ask for a pill, I would hurriedly grab my D&G tote and the car key to visit the closest clinic and afterwards drive straight to a ravine… stupid momma, slut daughter, pill, dysfunction and all.

Come on, the case mentioned by Mr. Raymond has nothing to do (4) with lawmaking than it is an eventuality of failed parenting. You can’t say that Bill 5043 will turn daughters into whores. Hello…kitty! What our SECULAR government is (5) trying to do is address all options impartial to any moral paradigm.

P.S. (6) Last time I checked the Philippines is still a republic not a papal state."

1. It is as common as teenage pregnancy - the case of confusing pronouns. Whose daytime itch is referred to, the mother's or the daughter's?

2. Although it is understandable because the writing follows a style of free stream of thoughts, or commonly called as babbling, still the prose can still be improved by not shifting the point of view mid-sentence. It is better to divide it into two separate ideas:

It’s unlikely that a horny daughter would bother her mom about daytime itch. However, for the sake of argument, let's just say that if my bitch of a daughter comes to me and asks for a pill, I would hurriedly grab my D&G tote and the car key to visit the closest clinic, and afterwards drive straight to a ravine… stupid momma, slut daughter, pill, dysfunction, and all.

May I suggest that you leave the D&G behind?

3. Just like the Church, there is an inconsistency in the tenses of the verb: my daughter comes to me and ASKS...

4. The blogger was able to drive home the point that while Mr Raymund is a strong believer, he is a bad debater - his logic just went down the drain. But still, a good argument needs a good sentence construction.

"has nothing to do with lawmaking than WITH failed parenting.

Just a few minor things:

5. trying to do is TO address...

6. Last time I checked, the Philippines is still a republic not a papal state.

Maybe it is.